Helping Your Family Cope with a Stressful Event
[This article has been modified from the original version. It was originally published during the COVID-19 pandemic as “Helping Your Family Cope with the Coronavirus”.]
The world is facing a number of concerning problems right now and many families are understandably under a lot of stress. When something upsetting happens that directly affects your family, it can throw everyone into a tailspin. How do you comfort your children and meet important responsibilities when things are overwhelming and your family is hurting? While each family and circumstance is different, there are some common healthy coping strategies that can help. Here are a few suggestions to make things a little easier.
Daily Schedules
Have a schedule for everyone, and post it somewhere where everyone can see it. Include pictures for younger children. Children find comfort in routines and in knowing what will be coming next. Build in time for breaks and for physical activity, and plan some things to look forward to.
Times for Fun
Incorporate regular times for fun. Special activities and games, cooking or baking together, and art projects are a few ideas. Look for ways to make ordinary activities into a game. Ask your children for ideas and be creative.
Alone Time
Try to allow some alone time for each member of the family, at times, if at all possible. If your home is small or crowded, you may want to designate a room with a sign on the door, or a section of a room blocked off with furniture, and allow each person a bit of time in that space, undisturbed, when they need it.
Time Outdoors
Try to spend some time each day outside, if possible. Fresh air and sunshine and the ability to move around can do wonders for the body and mind. Children need to run and jump and scream to let off steam. Everyone needs to spend time moving freely in outdoor spaces.
Answering Children’s Questions
Answer children’s questions directly and honestly in a way that is appropriate for their developmental level. Emphasize what you are doing as parents to provide for their needs and keep them safe. Reassure them that even though you do not know how long the problem will last, it will not last forever. Even if the problem is a chronic problem, the acute phase will pass and things will eventually feel better than they do now.
Regaining a Sense of Calm
Know what helps you regain a sense of calm. Write these things into a list and do them often. Simple things such as washing your hands with warm or cold water while focusing on the feel of the water, or drinking a glass of cold water, or closing your eyes and imaging a comforting person for a few seconds can help ground you in the present moment. Doing these things can help interrupt a sequence of aggravation or temper, and can go a long way toward keeping your responses to family members patient and kind.
When Children Misbehave
If your children are acting up, keep in mind that outward behavior is often a reflection of inner emotions that your children do not know how to handle. Let your children know it is okay to feel scared and frustrated. Show them how to cope, give them the language they need to express their feelings, use healthy coping strategies together, and be the source of comfort and guidance that they need.
Professional Support
Seek professional support for you and/or your children if you need it. Humans were built to function as a community. A serious stressor can be isolating, and isolation is hard on everyone. Now, more than ever, people need support. Many mental health professionals offer services through video.
Remember that things will not stay this way forever. Eventually the worst will be over. Some things will return to normal and other things will become a new normal. Give yourself credit for the things you are doing well, and focus on getting through this time in the best way you can. Navigating this stressful time using healthy coping strategies can become an opportunity for your family to grow closer to one another and stronger as a family unit.
